Being There

I have been amazed and amused by the rapid ascent of Joe the
Plumber from anonymity to prominence and prosperity as the
poster boy for the Republican Party. The story is so improbable
it had to be a work of fiction.

Then, I realized it was and I had read it before - back when Joe
the Plumber was named Chance the Gardener in a book called
Being There, written by Jerzy Kosinski and published in 1971.

Chance, a simple-minded man "with rice pudding between his
ears," is catapulted from his simple life as an estate gardener
to national prominence through a chance meeting with Ben Rand,
a dying business leader and political king-maker. Rand sees
Chance as a failed though totally decent businessman down on
his luck. He also sees Chance's reference to seasons
in gardening as an insightful comment about the national
economy. Chance's personal style and seemingly conservative
and insightful ways embody many qualities which Ben admires.
His simplistic, very serious and indeliberate utterances, which
mostly concern the garden of which he stewarded, are
interpreted as allegorical statements of deep wisdom and
knowledge regarding business matters and the current state
of politics in America.

Rand introduces Chance to the President who finds the gardener's
advice so inspiring he quotes and names him on national TV. The
General Public, as evidenced by opinion polls, thinks that Chance
is simply "brilliant." The financial and political elite believe Chance
the Gardener may be their man for the next presidential election
instead of a second term for the current President.

It is Louise the maid, who has known Chance since he was a boy,
who announces that he only has "rice pudding between the ears."
She declares, "It's for sure a white man's world in America. I raised
that boy since he was the size of a 'pissant' and I'll tell you he never
learned to read nor write. No sir. Has no brains at all. Stuffed with
rice pudding between the ears. Short-changed by the Lord and
dumb as a jackass. Yes sir, all you got to be is white in America to
get whatever you want."

Fortunately some historical fiction is not prologue and some simple
verities can change.

Charity Begins At Nome

I am heartened by the news that Sarah Palin will be donating the one hundred and fifty thousand dollars in clothes, shoes and accessories the Republican National Committee purchased for her and her family to "charity" after the election is over.

It will sort of be like when sports apparel manufacturers send the gear of the losing Super Bowl team to third world countries - leading to the incongruous sight of normadic tribesmen and women transversing the desert in New England Patriots 2008 Super Bowl Champions t-shirts and hats.

Which conjures up the thought of homeless women pushing grocery carts full of all their worldly possessions while wearing pencil skirts and hooker heels.

McCain fails to Rejoin his campaign; Obama awarded Presidency

In a stunning decision, the United States Electoral Commission has awarded the Presidency of the United States to Illinois Senator Barack Obama. Citing an obscure provision in the Electoral Count Act of 1877, the Commission disqualified Senator John McCain for “failing to rejoin his campaign” after suspending it on the 25th of September.

The McCain Campaign vehemently objected to the Commission awarding Senator Obama the Presidency. While admitting they were unaware of the provision, the McCain campaign declared Senator McCain’s failure to restart his campaign after suspending it was “a very big misunderstanding.”

“There was a mistake, an inadvertent mistake," McCain spokesperson said. “and it should not disqualify a patriot and war hero from the highest office in the land.”

The Obama Campaign stated that the rules stating a candidate must rejoin his campaign after suspending it were unequivocal. “The rules are clear, direct, obvious, unmistakable and were fully understood by our candidate.”

“I am vigorously going to fight this," Senator McCain vowed. "I will not let down the people of America who want real change. I believe the people want to elect me [and] want me to do a good job and I am going to do a good job for them by finishing this race. This is an ugly and unpleasant situation that has been thrust upon me and my family. This situation is not fair, it is inaccurate and therefore [it] must not be allowed to stand."

Commission officials, while sympathetic, said the rejoin rule is at the heart of the honor system that underpins the United States electoral process.

"Bottom line, running for President of the United States is a gentleman’s contest and candidates for that office are held accountable for sustaining their campaigns,” a Commission spokesperson said.