From Not Hot to Hot

After a year of lunacy, the Scar-Jo Hotness Meter, also known as the Maxim Hot 100, has returned to normalcy.  The 2013 list was a month late April's Fool joke that attempted to pass off sock puppet Miley Cyrus as the hottest woman in the world.  That offense was so egregious, this blog did not post a Hotness Meter in 2013.  Inexplicably, Miley Cyrus is still number 25 on the 2014 Hot 100 but integrity has been restored as Scarlett Johansson has risen from number 15 to number 2.

So, with Ms. Johansson being par for the course, Candace Swanepoel is -1, Rihanna is a +10,  Beyonce is a +20,  Zoe Saldana is a +28, Paula Patton is a +47, Kerry Washington is a +64 and Gabriel Union is a +80.

As usual, Rosario Dawson and Halle Berry remain too hot for the Scar-Jo Hotness meter.

~rave!

Is this the End?

This may be the demise of the Scarjo Hotness Meter.  Not because Scarjo (the redoubtable Miss Scarlett Johansson) is not on the 2012 Maxim Hot 100 List - she is, at number 17 - it is because the list is such a joke that ranking women on the list relative to Scarjo's current position is not only ridiculous but irrelevant.

If the editors of Maxim no longer care, why should I?  Who cares that cartoon mom Lois Griffin, number 85, is a +68 on the Hotness Meter?  LOIS GRIFFIN?  I mean, Rihanna is the first black woman on the list and she is number 32 (+15).  Zoe Saldana is 45 (+28) and LaLa Anthony is 93 (+76).

Meagan Good and Gabrielle Union didn't even make the list and, as always, Halle Berry and Rosario Dawson remain TOO HOT for the Scarjo Hotness Meter.

~(no)rave!

Scarjo, redux (2010)

There may be hope for the Scarjo Hotness Meter after all. After Scarlett Johansson tumbled from 2 to 34 in last year's Maxim Hot 100 (losing considerable "hotness" by marrying Ryan Reynolds) we feared for the worse but ("hail, glory!") she has rebounded to number 14 and made the SHM respectable again.

Using the recalibrated SHM, where Scarjo is par for the course, the ubiquitous Zoe Saldana is a -11. Rihanna is a -8. Eva Mendez is a -3. Selita Ebanks is a +2.

Dania Ramirez +16
Jessica Alba +20
Gabrielle Union +43

And, for the third year in a row, Halle Berry and Rosario Dawson remain so hot they are OFF the Scarjo Hotness Meter.

~rave!

A Star is Born

Mila Kunas' performance in The Book of Eli surprised me. Going in I was not a fan. I found her eight year run as Jackie Burkhart on That 70's Show to be the weakest link of a talented and underrated ensemble cast. As Burkhart, she was shrill, selfish and annoying - like nails on a chalk board. But, and this is where movie stardom comes from, the camera loves her. As I was watching "Eli" it occurred to me that Kunas with her big eyes and pouty lips looks like a young Angelina Jolie. There was a toughness - a rod of steel in her character. On screen with Denzel Washington and Gary Oldman, she holds her own. And, narrow as she is, Kunis looks like sex. All our hardest working female stars look like sex: Angelina Jolie, Halle Barry, Rosario Dawson, Kate Hudson, Penelope Cruz, Scarlet Johansson, and now, Kunis. Watch her work.

Today in Sound-Off Theater (Descent)

I have found the perfect (for me) movie to watch with the sound
off: Descent, produced by and starring film goddess, Rosario
Dawson. For your good buddy, Rave, an unrepentant acolyte
at Miss Dawson's shrine, this film is the motherlode! My girl
(and there is a hilarious outtake regarding the use of the word
"girl" to refer to grown women), Rosario Dawson is in virtually
EVERY shot (!) - with the camera lovingly lingering on every line
and curve. Those lips! Those eyes! Those thighs (and the legs
that seem to go on forever)!

Actually, Descent violates one of the prime rules of "Sound-
Off Theater": the movie has to be wretched with the sound off.
Descent is extremely watchable with the sound on - bold,
daring and full of risks, and afro-gyno-affirming in surprising
and subtle ways (the not-so-subtle subtext exists in another
telling outtake).

Yet, this is a journey told primarily with Dawson's face - her
incredible smile, her often sad eyes, her long, cat-like body,
and the knitting of her brow.

Another revelation in the film is African-British actor Marcus
Patrick who scorches the screen in the way I haven't seen a
young black actor scorch the screen - ever. His masculine self-
possession is both amazing and exhiliarating. He commands
his space like a panther. The New York Times encapsulated
his screen presence by calling him a young Burt Lancaster,
and this description is apt - as he possesses the same
physicality and masculine danger. His career should be
blowing up - but he is probably twenty years from getting
a decent role.

Descent ~rave! Marcus Patrick's career ~(no)rave!

Maxim's Hot 100 2009 ruins ScarJo Hotness Meter

By moving Scarlett Johansson from number 2 in 2008 to number
34 in 2009, Maxim has totally screwed up the calibration on my
ScarJo Hotness Meter. I mean, of course we are all disappointed
Scarlett married Ryan Reynolds but did that warrant dropping her
32 spots? The only thing that remains constant is that Halle Berry
and Rosario Dawson remain so hot they are OFF the Scarjo Hotness
meter.

An aside, if you took every woman in the top ten of Maxim's 2009
Hot 100 and rubbed them together, you still could not start a fire.

Three Hankies for Seven Pounds

I just saw Seven Pounds at the Budget Theater (movie, large popcorn - with REAL butter! - large soda for under ten bucks). In short, I loved it! It was an old-fashioned, three-hankie weepie. The kind of movie Hollywood used to make during its heyday. In fact, Seven Pounds reminds me most of George Cukor's Camille starring Greta Garbo and Robert Taylor. Like the consumptive Marguerite Gautier played by Garbo, Rosario Dawson's doomed Emily Posa is incandescent on the big screen. Everyone who knows me knows I have a huge Rosario Dawson jones and Seven Pounds has leaped to the top of my "movies starring Rosario Dawson" list. Never has Miss Dawson been more appealing on the big screen.

Will Smith is also amazing in this movie. He is like a chocolate Michael Anthony: stoic, ingratiating, and professional in his ever-present business suit - except he is literally dispensing new life and not a million dollars from his briefcase. He wears his grief like a shroud, the full deadening weight of his loss apparent in his eyes even as he smiles and charms his way toward his chosen goal. What Smith does with this role is much more difficult and noteworthy than his Oscar nominated role in The Pursuit of Happyness.

There is not one thing I would change about this movie. While it becomes apparent early on what Smith's "Ben Thomas" is up to, the movie still manages to surprise the viewer in small ways both delightful and terrible. The slow, halting dance Smith and Dawson do toward each other is sweet and longing: a many-splendored thing.

I salute Mr. Smith and his producing partner James Lassiter and all the good folks at Overbrook Entertainment for adding this movie to the black film canon.

~rave!